March archive

doing all we can

March 28, 2007

Today we're working on a project for Caasah... we're taking pictures of the kids, and their hand prints, and putting them all on several posters so that when you walk in to the building, you can see that these are the kids who live there. Hopefully it will work out as beautifully as we imagine it... but you know, we can only do our best. We're also updating this book that another group of volunteers started about Caasah a few years ago. The book has some fantastic, and still relavant (although I'm not sure why since most of the stuff is very easy to change) stuff about Caasah's problems.

That is one of the most frustrating things about Brasil, and Brasilians. They just live. Its beautiful because they don't worry so much about life and schedules and accoplishing things; they see beauty and life in the every day activities that we all take for granted so much in America. But it is sooo frustrating when you want to change something! The way life is for these kids at Caasah - who they will grow up to become - what they remember as their childhood and what they are capable of because of that... none of it has to be like it is. Quite frankly, its almost like most of the kids are an experiment in socializing and drugs... the staff has no idea what is going to happen to the oldest child when she turns 18 and is legally an adult. For a facility that deals soley with patients that have HIV or AIDS (and are obviously more immune deficent than normal people. hygene is important!!!), the hygene is absolutely unacceptable. They don't have toilet paper or flushing toliets... Soap is hidden from the kids in shelves they can't reach. Kids aren't potty trained until they are past 3. Their beds are falling apart, and most of the kids have lice. But it seems like they don't even really want to do anything about it. Its like they are sending a message to these kids - "yep, go ahead and get prepared for poverty... we don't expect you to succeed because we have nothing invested in your future." As a volunteer and someone who as grown to love these kids to the point of contemplating adoption every day (I know its not realistic... but stil. if anyone wants to adopt a kid, I know a lot of really great ones), it makes me so sad to see that we are the only ones who think about what their lives can and will become.

Since the time for most of the current group to leave is coming up very soon, we've all been asking each other what the best and worst things about our experiences here. The best and worst experiences I had here were with the kids. Caasah has been such a challenge, but its also given me some of the best memories and some of the best hugs! I can't possibly explain how much I love these kids, and how much of an impact they've made on me. They have changed my outlook on the world, and my life in general. I'm grateful to have been a part of their lives, even if it was just for a few months.

not ready to say goodbye

March 22, 2007

I changed my travel plans... So I guess things here aren't ever solid until you buy your plane ticket, and even then, you can change it around. But, Allie and I aren't going to Rio anymore on the 26th. Now, I'm going to Rio with Lucy and Effie, and maybe Akua and Frannie on the 1st of April. Which means, I have one more week here in Salvador.

Today I told the kids that next week is my last week here. It kind of surprised me that they got so upset! One of my favorite girls, Marli, got really upset, even though I told her I still had another week! She and I hugged for a good long while, and she was crying! I had no idea I'd made such an impact on her... it was really moving. Another girl made me a set of jewelery - neckalace, bracelet, and ring, and kept telling me she was going to miss me. Then, one girl who is about 10, Carol, asked me to pick her up and gave me a full body hug, and told me that she loved me with her whole heart. I was speechless. This is a girl who wouldn't talk to me for about 2 weeks because she got in trouble after she put blood on my arm. I just hugged her so hard and told her that I loved her... I'm going to be a mess next week, when I really have to say goodbye. I just can't get enough of these kids! I love hugging them and kissing them and telling them they are wonderful! I know that when I leave here, a part of my heart will be sitting at Caasah with all those kids.

Gabby and I are updating the book about Caasah that has all the children's information in it. Today, Gabby found out that the infants who are brought to Caasah or who are born there are immediately given AZT in 45 day treatment rounds in hopes of getting rid of the virus in them. I guess because the virus may or may not be transmitted, they give them AZT for a couple years and hope that the virus just doesn't ever show. Apparently, there is a 90% chance of success in these cases. Which means, for the two girls who are at Caasah now and have been there since infancy, they can go home or get adopted, HIV free (or so they think... this is not necessarily proven)! Gabby has a particular favorite child, who she has really bonded with, named Ariani, who is one of the 2 year olds. Perhaps Ari could become a member of Gabby's family!!! Just the possibility of that is very exciting. These kids need love and affection and a normal life more than anything!!

I've come such a long way since I started at Caasah. Every day is new and different, and every day poses new challenges for us as volunteers, but it has been worth every second to see the look on their faces when you show them something new, or teach them a few words of english, or just give them a shoulder to lean on. I wouldn't change my experience here, challenges and all, one bit.

its close to midnight

March 17, 2007

Here on the eve of my birth, I have felt the most homesick since day one in Brasil. Its not that I'm not having a fantastic time, and that I don't love every one of these new friends - but its not the same as having people who have known you either your whole life or practically that around you! It is difficult and makes me feel lonley and want to be home and be getting big fat hugs from everyone! But, I guess that is just another part of growing up right?

But I still miss my mommy and daddy.

p.s watch out for a change in some of the pictures - see if you can tell before I do!

Birthdays are fun

March 16, 2007

even when they aren't yours!!! Today we had a festa for Michele pequeno at Caasah. Little did we know, today is Danila and Eric's birthday also (I'm not sure if that is correct grammer, forgive me if it is wrong). Unfortunatley, we brought presents for Michele. Yikes, the other two were really disappointed. And, the little boy, Eric, had a really bad fever today and spent the whole time being really sick and mopey, and I couldn't get him to feel better! He ended up going to bed before we even left! On the bright side, we had cake and Guarana, and the people at Caasah hired a DJ! It was really fun - I think the kids had a really good time.

Allie and I have decided that we are going to go to Rio de Janiero, and we are leaving the program early to do so (or at least I am). So instead of leaving on the 31st, I am leaving on the 26th, and I will just continue traveling from there. I'm really excited! My travel plans thus far are: Fly to Rio on the 26th, around the 31st-2 go to Belo Horizante to meet up with Anna Hardy, stay with her, take the train to Vitoria some weekend, and then around the 11th or 12th go to Sao Paulo and stay until the 15th, when I will fly to Buenos Aires and visit Amos, Abby and Mason, and a couple girls from the program here. On May 1 I fly back to Sao Paulo at like, 9am, and wait in the airport for 12+ hours until 11pm when my flight to Miami leaves! I will return to the US of A on May 2!!

Its really hard to believe that I only have one week left - I have kept telling myself that I have so much time, there is no rush to do everything, and now I feel like there is a rush! So if you want some Havaianas, you better email me and tell me color and size... no promises! I am already getting sad about having to leave the kids - I feel like I've formed such strong bonds with some of them, I will be so sad to leave them! Because there are always people coming and going, we talk about some people being "criers" when they leave - I am going to be a crier. I hate even thinking about it because it makes my heart ache. I love these kids so much its hard to even understand it because I have only known them for a couple months! And here I am wanting to be a part of their lives for the rest of them! I won't ever forget them, or this experience. It has been challenging and thrilling, and more than I could have ever expected. I might have to come back and do it again.

selection sunday

March 11, 2007

Today is the selection for the NCAA playoffs. GO HEELS!!! (I believe we just beat State - which means we've won all three of our games in the ACC championship.

Today I went to the beach for a nice, relaxing afternoon. We ended up at a very dirty, yucky local beach, and only stayed for a couple hours. It wasnt a nice beach, but it was ok. I had a hard time relaxing because before we got on the bus to go there, we witnessed a woman getting her camera stolen. It was crazy - she was right across the street from us, and there I was, watching her take pictures, wondering what they looked like, thinking that she seemed happy standing there taking pictures of this strangely beautiful place. This young looking guy walked by, but I was still staring at her. Then all of a sudden, they were tousling, and people were yelling, and I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach- some deep anxiety and adrenaline. I had had a bad feeling about going to this place, and then watching this woman, something in me clicked and I felt so strongly for her - I felt like it could have been me. Angry and sad and flustered about feeling stupid and wrestling over my camera, then all the things I could have done running through my head. It is strange that I felt so connected to the incident when I was not at all involved and it had nothing to do with me. But I can't stop feeling like that could happen at any moment, and that its just when you let your guard down something scary like that happens. I guess it is just a good reminder not to be stupid, anywhere. And now we have a system for taking pictures in urban settings - make sure that on at least two sides of you there is a person, and that that person is watching for other sketchy people. Oh, and the common sense part - keep the damn thing attached to you some how - on your wrist, neck, whatever!

Allie and I just had a quick discussion about the time difference here - Its daylight savings over in your neck of the woods, but I dont know if they do that here. So maybe we will just be one hour difference - that is so strange and confusing. How can time just all the sudden change like that? It doesn't make sense.

This weekend has been sort of crazy - today, with the camera, and then last night and the night before! Last night was Amit's last night, and since he got here he's been talking about going to this strip club- phantasy club. So, we all decided to go. This, mind you, was my first time in a strip club. Phantasy Club is disgusting, and trashy, and has holes in the roof and walls, and was hilariously fun! I was so disgusted and intrigued - they dont have the "look but dont touch" rule here - so the lap dances are a lot more than just dances. Its an all senses kind of experince, which my dear friend Amit got some insight into. I think that some of the clientele was more intrigued by the fact that there were a bunch of gringas in there than they were with the dancers - and the gringas were all laughing at my face - I have no idea what it looked like, but I can imagine some kind of combination of terror, disgust, lack of understanding and goofiness. Lets just say that I won't be going back to Phantasy club anytime in the forseeable future.

Friday night we stayed in and had ourselves a good old house party - no pinatas this time or mexican food, but just some games and laughter, and a really good time.

I'll put up some pictures of last night - I got in trouble for taking them at the strip club, but its all good.

gone going gone everything

March 7, 2007

So - Carolina beat Dook. It was a fantastic day yesterday! GO HEELS!!! And the tourney starts in 9 days. Another guy here, Amit, is a big basketball fan, and he keeps me updated on all the goings on in basketball.

We went to Caasah in the afternoon instead of the morning today, because most of the kids go to school now so we don't get to see them. It was great to go and get to see all the kids! They were so excited, and so was I! I had forgotten how much I really love them until they left, and then I missed them so much! There are a couple of boys who totally have my heart. They just love to get hugs and be tickled, and that is my specialty. I loove these kids! Even when they pout and whine and act like big jerks, I still love them to death!! Its crazy how I had no idea that happened to me until they left, and all of a sudden I just wanted to hang out with them again. I think they missed us too, because they were so excited to see us! All these hugs and everyone wanting attention and wanting us to play with them! I even got this little terror mateus to play with me, and I even got him to want to hug me! Its only taken 2 months, but hey! I'm finally feeling like I'm doing something really special, and I am so lucky to have this oppertunity! Its incredible.

I just get overwhelmed sometimes thinking how lucky I am to have done this, to have met these people and helped these kids. It just makes me realize how much I have and how much I can give, and how little it takes to give a lot.

Hilary- I hugged some kids for you today. I even kissed them on the cheek, just for you. and they hugged and kissed back. So I hope you feel the LOVE!

trouble in paradise

March 1, 2007

or not really trouble, just learning new things about bahia and brasil and salvador. Learning things like, don't ever expect anything, because it probably won't happen, or if it does, it will turn out drastically different than you expected it to. This applies to all facets of life - travel, shopping, taking a taxi, exchanging a power cord, eating, etc. I guess this is a fact of life anywhere, but apparently in Bahia, everything is not what you expect it to be. For example - Friday morning we left to go to Boipeba - expecting a fairly easy and quick trip. It took us nine hours, a taxi, a ferry, a bus and a 3 1/2 hour boat ride to get to an island that is 30 minutes away by plane. Mind you, this is public transportation, so its super cheap. and slow. We could have taken only 4 hours and it would have cost 4x as much.

Another example is my power cord. My laptop's power cord has decided to quit working, and my fantastically patient and helpful mother (seriously, she's a goddess) found out that to get a new one, all I needed to do was go to the nearest mac store and exchange it, and lo and behold there is a mac store in salvador! two! Or so I was told by apple.com. LIES!!!! The first mac store I went to does not exist, and then the second only sells one desktop macintosh computer, and ipods. So, needless to say, they do not carry ibook chargers, when they do not even carry ibooks. Unfortunatley, I can't use my computer until I have a charger. I am currently borrowing Amit's computer (thank you!) while he is out. See. You don't always get what you expect, even when people tell you to expect it.

Other than that, the past few days/week have gone by so quickly! After returning from a fantastic weekend in Boipeba, Allie, Kelly and I packed like mad on Sunday night, so that we could be ready to move houses on Monday. The new house is HUGE! It was originally built to house three different families, one on each floor. So, each floor has a kitchen, living room, outdoor area, and about 4-5 bedrooms. I think that the second and third floors hold about 20-25 people each, and the first floor only 4! The first floor was re-designed, and is our dining room and main kitchen, as well as the CCS office. BUT! Don't worry! If you have sent me letters or packages (holy moly, if you have, thank you soooo much!) and I have yet to recieve them, we have the old house until March 12, and then I think the mail will be forwarded to us. Please send mail!

In other important news: UNC Men's basketball. March 4 is the dook game, and the last game of the regular season. I request that all of you Carolina fans watch the game for me, and cheer extra loud (please feel free to include jumping around, and knock on wood jumping over fires a few extra times) for me!

Also - I've been reading Barack Obama's biographical book - and I really like it! I suggest you all read it. I believe its called "Dreams from my father" but I may be wrong about that (the title has escaped me right now). Its really easy to read and just flows like a novel.

Go forth and read and cheer!