December archive

Merry Christmas

December 27, 2007

This Christmas season has been very different for me. Most of the time, I'm thrilled about buying gifts for everyone I know, and listening to Christmas music and all that holiday mess. This year, I just couldn't get out of the bah-humbug mood. Its kinda sad, but I think I've finally adopted my brother's attitude and it has finally sucked all the goodness about Christmas out of me. Thanks, Zeke. Regardless, I have had a great time visiting with my friends and family.

I just got back from a trip to Charleston with my best girl friends. It was fantastic! We drove down with no place to stay and no idea what we were getting into, but it all turned out for the best. We managed to find a good-priced hotel, and to stay the hell out of the "gang war" on either side of the peninsula. The next day, which was gorgeous and so wonderful, we got up and went downtown to check out the sites. We went to the slave market, the dungeon, and a pretty good restaurant on the water of the Cooper River. For Alli's birthday dinner we went to Hank's - we thought it would be overpriced, but the food was terrific, and the service was great too. We had such a good time just hanging out and shopping and being together.

America is obsessed with what you have and what you don't. My mom and I just talked about how she watched Bridezillas for the first time, and it set me off on a little rant. Our society judges us based on what we are doing - our achievements and accomplishments. Therefore, just one thing is never enough. You have to keep doing, keep buying, keep winning. Sitting back and deciding that you already have enough, and that you're going to enjoy it is unacceptable. You should be buying bigger and better things - traveling, doing, winning awards, learning, getting degrees, moving forward. We constantly need to be improving, which leads us to constantly complain about what we do have, instead of appreciating it. I find myself wishing for new sheets, or new shoes, or a new haircut, just because I'm no longer satisfied with what I have. Yes, to some extent, there is always room for growth and improvement, I just don't believe it lies in material things. I think our achievements should come from how we help others. What are we doing for other people, or to better ourselves spiritually or mentally? Are we learning, or are we doing? Can we grow without buying something else? The holiday season tends to exacerbate this area of weakness in or society. It doesn't matter if you already have everything, you should be asking for more! And instead of describing how joyfully we spent the time with our families, we are just itching to get away from them. We ask each other "what did you get?" instead of "how was your time together?" Quite frankly, I'm getting sick of it. I'm sick of it in myself, because it makes me feel greedy and jealous instead of happy and content. How do we move away from this state of never-ending un-fulfillment? Enjoy each other and appreciate the little time we get together. Appreciate what we have, because sometimes, it really is enough.

"where is my woman, can I bring her home?"

December 18, 2007

It is the time of year where people attempt to venture homewards, bound by love, family, tradition and expectations. This time last year, I started writing this blog (by the way, my brother gave me a whole hell of a bunch of shit for not keeping it up... I actually thought the website was shut down. Whoops!), ready to embark on a grand and exciting adventure. I am still learning about the ways that that time period changed me, and changed my life. It seems like every day I experience something that makes me realize that Brazil and Argentina were an actual part of my life, and will shape the way I view everything for a long time period.

But now its time for the holidays, and with that comes that strange mixture of emotions associated with the beloved and dreaded idea of spending an extended time with your family. For me, spending time with my immediate family is wonderful - although, that being said, my father and I like to keep it interesting by getting in as many fights as hours we spend together...about everything. and nothing. Spending time with my extended family is also wonderful, but in a completely different way... I feel somehow like I have to be someone different, although I know they love me so much, and I love them. I guess its like you have to be on your best behavior to impress everyone and make sure they know that youre not too fucked up. Maybe in my family, its like a contest. Who is the least fucked up out of all of us? Perhaps we should start giving out prizes to the family with the fewest retarded members. I don't think we would win.

This holiday season seems particularly anticlimactic; my friends are gone, or not back yet, we're not doing what we normally do for Christmas, Daddy's in the hospital, and I am sick of working. Actually, looking at it like that makes it pretty depressing. Ugh. Ho Ho Ho. Haha... I love the holidays, and I'm sure that no matter what I'm doing, it will be something fun and filled with love and laughter (you can't really avoid that in a family that is constantly picking on each other.) but you never know what that could mean... hell, Chinese restaurants look like an appealing new tradition. Something will surprise us, and throw us into a new year (which never feels any different than the old ones) full of change and growth just like normal. What will it bring? What will Santa drop down my poor family's chimmney this year? An X-Box for Zeke? Let's hope so.

Zeke, I hope you enjoyed reading this. I love you.