I'm going to Graceland!

Graceland – Elvis’s home, for those of you who are unfamiliar – is a massive, insane tourist trap. But, its also kind of amazing. First of all, it is crazy, crazy, ridiculously expensive. They charge you to park. Ten fing dollars to park. So, they’ve built this huge building across the street from Graceland. One of the best things about Graceland is that they’ve actually really tried to preserve the house and grounds as they were. But this means that they’ve built at least 3 restaurants and 3 gift shops and at least 2 museums all connected in the entrance to Graceland.

Here’s how it works: You park across the street from the actual mansion (-$10). You walk to the entrance of the tour section (you can’t tour Graceland unless you’ve paid for a real tour – there’s no walking around or doing it the cheap way). Then you decide if you want to do the “Elvis Entourage Tour” which costs (you won’t believe it but I don’t lie!) $69.00, or one of the other two tour packages (one is $33 and one is $27). Luckily you get a discount for this if you are either a student or a AAA member. We got both! (hell yeah Carolina – giving me an ID that expires in 2010) You get your tour package, and then head through the gift shop out to the line to wait for a tour bus which will drive you across the street to the mansion, where you begin your audio tour (no guide except the one in your ears).

So it cost us $47.30 or something like that just to get into the damn mansion. Our tour package was the most basic (for those on a tight schedule, which we are) and just included an audio tour of the mansion and grounds. Other tours include the automobile museum and Lisa Marie’s airplanes (don’t roll your eyes too soon). Once you get in line to get on the bus, the staff hands you an audio player and a set of headphones. The audio player has a thing attached so you wear it around your neck (at least everyone looks dorky!!!) and listen to some random dude with a cool sounding voice give you the brief and sugar-coated version of Elvis’s life.

Now, one of the creepiest things about this whole idea is that while you’re walking around a dead man’s house, with all his stuff still there, with it still decorated the same and the security cameras still pointing the same way and the screens to watch still turned on, everything is silent. There are all these people moving around, but everyone is wearing these headsets, listening. In your ears, you’re hearing background music, and this narrator telling you about each room, and there are people all around you doing the same thing. I mean, we went at 10am on a Sunday and it was packed. So all these people are hearing what you’re hearing, and as a result, no one is talking. Once you take the headphones off, even just for a second, its eerily quiet. That, and the fact that its “Elvis Week” to remember his death (August 16, 1977) just makes it feel like Elvis might come back and grab you and say “What the hell are you doing here and why are you looking at all my stuff?”

All in all, a worthwhile, albeit expensive, experience. Priscilla and Lisa Marie must be making bank.